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Sometimes I feel like my watch is smarter than me


I don’t understand my Apple Watch. Maybe it’s because it’s smarter than me. It knows where I’m going before I do.

The day I bought it, I got in the car to drive home, and it told me I was 54 minutes away from a location on Henley Road. I don’t live on Henley Road, but I planned to stop by Dalton’s Sports Grill to watch the NASCAR race with my buddies Skylar and Dalton.

How did it know that? I only owned it briefly and never mentioned Dalton’s, but the watch knew I wanted to go there. Apparently, my watch can read my mind. It’s a feeling that’s becoming all too familiar.

The salesperson must have been concerned about my age, too. I was listening to Genesis’ “In the Air Tonight.” Admit it: we’ve all done it, just like Mike Tyson in the “Hangover.” But when I played the beat on my air drums, my watch sent an alert saying I must have fallen. That five-second riff may be iconic, but not good enough to need an ambulance.

My old VCR was smarter than me, too. Now it’s in a box in the attic, but at least it never called 9-1-1 on me.

Another thing I don’t understand is the new push to buy gold.

We’ve seen all the ads on television that promise that gold is the only way to protect yourself against a possible financial collapse. So, if I buy a box of gold coins and bars, how do I get rid of them? If the economy crashes, are you guaranteed to get as much – or more – than you paid for your gold? And if the economy crashes, who will have money to buy it, and will that money be worth anything? More importantly, will the grocery store take a gold bar if I need a loaf of bread and a bag of lemons?

I didn’t understand cryptocurrency because nobody could clearly describe it. It turns out I was as smart as my watch for staying away from it. Tom Brady may be the greatest quarterback of all time, but he bought into the cryptocurrency craze and lost $30 million. Even for Brady, that’s real money.

And what about some of these drug commercials? Do I really have to be warned not to take something if I’m allergic to it? And if you need that kind of warning, a pill won’t help.

While I’m at it, nothing confuses me more than the current administration saying it’s growing the economy from the middle out. I have no idea was that means. I doubt anyone does.

President Joe Biden claims he’s created more jobs than anyone else. That’s not true. He didn’t create jobs. No president creates jobs. And there’s a big difference between people returning to work following the pandemic and new businesses creating new jobs.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 158.6 million nonfarming people worked in the last quarter of 2019. Now there are 135.86 workers on the payroll. During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic in June 2021, employment dropped to 127.16 million. I know politicians hate it when facts get in the way of their stories.

Why is the plug always upside-down when you try to put it into a USB port?

Now back to my watch. Why do companies change their plugs with every upgrade? My watch has one plug; my cellphone has a different one. And they’re made by the same company.

My previous cellphone had a different plug, and it was different than the plug from my previous phone. Are they smart to keep doing that, or am I dumb to keep falling for it?