CLAY COUNTY – Memorial Day is a solemn day of remembrance – stories of the fallen, a journey back and a way forward.

Many people think of Memorial Day as the kickoff to summer vacation: backyard barbecues and long-awaited beach vacations, while others look forward to visiting friends and family at home. Celebrated on the last Monday in May, Memorial Day is a day of unity.

However, as we take time to be with our loved ones this weekend, it is also a time to pause and reflect on the men and women who gave up their lives so that we could live ours.

“It is a day to remember those who paid the ultimate sacrifice,” said David Treffinger, president of the county’s Vietnam Veterans of America Chapter. “It is not a day of celebration like some want to present the day. It is a tribute to our fallen service members.”

It is a reminder of the harsh reality of war and the families that it leaves in its wake. It is a cemetery of unmarked graves and millions of red, white and blue flags scattered across the quiet fields. It is an honor guard firing rounds into the air, a lone bugler playing "Taps," the national song of military remembrance.

For many Americans, Memorial Day is deeply personal. It is an opportunity to flip through family albums and reminisce, to tell stories of victory, loss and incredible bravery in the face of adversity.

For the servicemen and women who put their lives on the line, every day is Memorial Day. The faces of their fallen comrades and visions of violence will haunt them for the rest of their lives.

While they may have left the war behind, their minds are still on the battlefield, the sound of artillery ringing out long after the guns on distant shores had fallen quiet. Although far from foreign soil, they are still soldiers tasked with remembering their fallen brothers and sisters.

And yet, for one Veteran, going back to Vietnam nearly 50 years after his deployment was his first step towards healing.

Robert Phillips was 18 when he was drafted into the U.S. Military.

“This was in 1966,” Phillips said. “I spent two years in a weapons training school and later as a dog handler. Shortly after that, I got orders to go to S.E.A. I thought, wow, I’m going to the sea, how about that? And they said, well, actually, it stands for South East Asia, so I shipped off to Vietnam on January 6th, 1968.”

Phillips noted that this year was known as “The Year of the Monkey.” While the whole country of South Vietnam celebrated Tet, the Lunar New Year, North Vietnamese forces launched a surprise attack on 43 cities across the country.

Explosions and gunshots were heard from all directions, masked by the crackling of fireworks. It is easy to imagine the confusion and fear as sirens and emergency vehicles began blaring their horns down the crowded streets.

“They told us that Army intelligence controlled 87% of the countryside and the war with it, and soon we’d all go back home,” Phillips said. “Well, within a month, the Tet Offensive started. And it was relentless, heralding, mortar and small arms fires. A lot of attacks, a lot of civilian casualties, a lot of our casualties.”

Among the casualties was Phillips’ close friend, 22-year-old Gary Medcalfe.

“Gary Medcalfe was killed in late February 1968. He was a good friend of mine. One day, we decided to trade assignments. He got put in the bunker, and they were stormed. I felt bad about that for a long time. He had a young daughter, I think,” he said, pausing, “But, you know, it’s kind of just something you live with.

"I think about him a lot, but there were others, too. I’ll be 77 in a few months, and they hit 21 or maybe 22. But you have to move on.”

This was pursued until May of 1968, when Phillips relocated to South Dakota.

“I came back to the States, but I still had a year and a half left of service, so I went to a storage facility for Nuclear Weapons in South Dakota. This was during the Cold War with Russia and China,” he said. “So that chapter of my life came to an end.”

Phillips married his first wife upon his homecoming and planned to start a new life together. However, he didn’t get the happy ending he hoped for. While he left the carnage of Vietnam behind, Phillips was plagued by violent nightmares.

“So anyway, shortly after that, I went to a mental institution that the V.A. ran – that was the Veterans Administration – and I spent a couple of months there. That’s where I was diagnosed with delayed-onset Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.

“They told me that I couldn’t get disability, but, oh, you can get drugs. That was the first line of treatment back then. They would somewhat numb you. It would make you unemployable, really.”

Sometimes, the unseen wounds of war run the deepest. According to Yale Medical Journal, a landmark study in 1988 showed that one in three men who served in Vietnam would experience PTSD.

After trials of medication and talk therapy battling PTSD, Phillips decided to take an unexpected leap. After connecting with a fellow Vietnam Veteran who served in his squadron in 1968, the two flew from L.A. to China, then to Cambodia, and finally, back to Vietnam.

“At first, I thought he was crazy. I said, 'They tried to kill you the first time, and now you want to go back?’ But I eventually agreed, and I have to say, it’s not the same place I left when I was 18,” he said.

Despite the violence that was carried out by American troops during the war, Phillips was welcomed by nothing but warmth from the local community.

“It was not Vietnam the way it was in 1968. The country was beautiful. And the people had no clue there had been a war. It was like it never happened. All of this was in our heads, not theirs.

"For so many veterans, they are still in the chaos,” Phillips said. “They relive it every day. But I tell them it’s all in their head. It’s not there, though. You go to Vietnam, it’s a whole different world.”

When Phillips returned to the States, he started mentoring with a local chapter of Veterans Treatment Courts, determined not only to “reinvent himself” but to help others find closure after battling years of PTSD, addiction and guilt.

“PTSD never goes away, but it can be treated. Sure, you can go to the V.A. to get your drugs, or you can get therapy and try to move on,” he said. “I advise a lot of veterans, if you are suffering, go back to Vietnam.”

The TAPS Monument in Green Cove Springs at the Historic Triangle has the 66 names of the fallen service members from Clay County from all wars, from the Civil War to the War on Terrorism. There are 21 from the Vietnam War.