I feel happy when I see my children immersed in play and creative endeavors - such as when my 15-year-old daughter is intently reconstructing her bedroom out of Legos, or when my adolescent daughters are with their girlfriends imitating dances from movies or their favorite show Dance Moms, or when my 5-year-old son is jumping on the trampoline or pretending to play cops and robbers with our neighbors.

On the flipside, it makes me sad when I see kids in front of screens to occupy their time, especially when they seemingly have every toy that a kid could want in their home. Or, when I see the stressed-out parent who is like an over-worked Uber driver shuttling their child from school to a full-time schedule of extracurricular activities.

In our current society, most kids have access to a vast array of toys, but what they may not have access to is the social piece – other kids – or the freedom to go a little bit wild. There is a misconception that if you give your child toys they will just magically play with them; however, children often need to be instructed on how to play either by parents or by older children. Moreover, a lot of toys are so noisy, stimulating or flashy that it is much like a TV – the child is simply an observer of the toy. It does little to foster problem-solving or creativity of the child. Kids’ time can also be so structured that they may not learn what to do with themselves when not told “do this.”

Kids benefit from having a space for free play and being told, “No, you can’t watch [TV, your iPad, device].” They benefit from having access to other kids and outlets for creativity such as outside, art supplies, etc. They crave opportunities where they can get dirty, be adventurous and daring, and see how the world works through trial and error. Sometimes children’s hesitation also reflects what they see from us. If we repeatedly communicate that climbing, exploring, getting dirty or taking small risks is dangerous, they may begin to approach those experiences with the same anxiety.

Children also need the parent or caretaker to help them learn to play independently by showing them play materials, helping them get started and then walking away and periodically checking back on them. If you want to see a great video of this “Play and Walk Away” technique, go to YouTube and type in that term and “Supernanny.”

We live in a world where toys and TV shows are sold as educational, curriculum is sold to teachers and schools for their educational and social benefits, and families live in isolation (as opposed to villages). Consequently, parents can benefit from reaching out and connecting with other families who have children, learning to teach their children to play independently and creatively, and being cautious of “cheap forms of stimulation” such as TV and electronic devices that may keep their child engaged but do little in terms of promoting their growth and development.

Sometimes the best thing we can give our children isn’t another educational toy or another organized activity. It’s other kids, some open-ended materials, a little freedom—and enough boredom to figure out what to do with it.

Suggested reading:

"Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids" by Kim John Payne and Lisa Ross

Dr. Barker coaches parents and teachers to help support children’s emotional growth and development. Learn more at parenttraining.net.