When you’re 17 episodes into binge-watching “Golden Girls,” you have time to think about things.
You remember shaking hands with your friends. You remember hugging your children. You think about sitting in the stands at a high school football game.
You also think about things that have run their course. Like bellbottom pants and mood rings, something things need to go away and never come back.
I call it, things I’m so done with.
• The terms “baby daddy” and “baby mama.” When you’re a parent, you have an important sense of purpose. Those terms seem to cheapen the roles and remove every bit of personal responsibility it takes to be a parent.
• Ridiculous car insurance commercials. What in the world does an emu have to do with my comprehensive or liability coverages? Am I the only one who doesn’t understand the half-man, half-motorcycle spots? Do I care what the agent on the other end of the line is wearing? Would I really buy insurance from a mechanical fortune teller who rides off on a unicycle? It’s sad when you’d rather watch Flo.
• People who don’t use their turn signals. There’s no excuse to be rude and stupid at the same time.
• The word “coronavirus.”
• Manbuns. Why would a man want to look like my middle school librarian?
• People who don’t cover their noses with facemasks. According to the CDC, you should wash your hands before putting on your mask; you should put it over your nose and mouth and secure it under your chin; you should try to fit it snugly against the sides of your face; and, make sure you can breathe easily. Wearing it improperly is like putting on a pair of pants and leaving the zipper down.
• People in public places talking on their speaker while they’re making a cellphone call. I don’t care what time Carl called you last night, what you had to eat or if Betty Jo is cheating on her boyfriend.
• McDonald’s toying with my emotions by bring back and unexpectedly removing the McRib sandwich.
• Election polls. Numbers are made to be twisted, especially during presidential elections. The biggest poll now is the national poll. We don’t elect our president nationally. He’s elected by garnering Electoral College numbers from each state.
• People who won’t turn on red. If you don’t know this law, buy a bus ticket.
• Employees and customers who stand at the front door of a convenience store smoking. There’s a reason why you’re not allowed to smoke inside, so please don’t make customers walk through your personal carcinogenic cloud just to get a Diet Dr. Pepper and a Slim Jim.
• Cold French fries.
• Plant-based meat. I shouldn’t have to explain why.
• People with a full shopping cart going through the 10 items or less line.
• Stores that don’t enforce their own rules and allow some shoppers with 10 items or less to utilize a speedy checkout lane.
• The Kardashians.
• The term “I’m so done with this.”