Partly Cloudy, 77°
Weather sponsored by:

School Board Drinking Game


Posted

Last fall someone said something that has stuck with me since then. Leave it to a teacher to say, “Everyone knows a teacher.”

Well, I’ve come up with a new way for Clay County residents to have a little fun and learn a little more about the community all at the same time.

Here’s what you need: Call up not one, but three teacher friends of yours. A school-related employee would even suffice. Casual dress is required because eating, and quite possibly, drinking will be involved as well. You’re going to meet at your house at 6 p.m. on the first Thursday of the month or whoever has a subscription to Comcast or whichever cable provider carries the meetings of the Clay County School Board. Depending upon results of your first gathering, you may want to make this a monthly event.

Everyone is required to bring their own shot glass and places said shot glass on table.

Everybody ante up $5 apiece. You’ll also need to have a tray of chicken wings and assorted dipping sauces, plenty of napkins or either wipes.

Here are the rules

1. Whenever Addison Davis uses the phrases: elevate, experience, culture or climate, drink two shots of beer per usage.

2. Whenever Addison Davis uses the terms “skill set” or “unpack,” the last person to stand must drink three shots of beer. If you stumble while getting up from the sofa, drink two more shots.

3. If Addison Davis uses the word transparency, the first person to finish a whole beer gets to grab three wings. Use the handi-wipes.

4. If school board member Betsy Condon uses the phrase, “put the past behind us,” throw a chicken wing at the host. If you miss and do not strike the host, drink four shots of beer.

5. If Betsy Condon or fellow board member Ashley Gilhousen say “school choice” or “conflict,” the first person to stop laughing gets to drink one shot of beer and grab not three, but four wings.

6. Whenever Davis or a board member talks about transparency, everybody takes a shot, stands up and chest bumps each other.

7. If anyone sitting at the dais is found to have microphone problems, the last person to say “Ground control to Major Tom,” has to drink three shots of beer.

8. Predict the number of times a staffer or guest presenter cannot get the overhead or PowerPoint to work. The person closest to the correct number gets dibs on how many shots the loser has to drink next.

9. Each guest takes three shots if a teacher or union representative mentions student testing. Five shots of beer if anyone says FSA and two full beers if anyone mentions Charlie Van Zant Jr.

10. Every time Chairman Janice Kerekes is shown in a close-up, take turns throwing chicken wings at each other. Use the wipes.

11. If Vice Chairman Carol Studdard says “I’m just trying to wrap my head around this,” the last person to fall to their knees and cry “Hallelujah!” drinks two shots of beer.

12. Whenever anybody complains about Obamacare, take turns drinking shots of beer until the speaker stops or sits down. Do it double if the speaker makes the audience laugh.

Extras:

The guest who did not pass out, gets the $20. And before your party ends, make a pledge to become involved and keep abreast of the issues.